Rey Skywalker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thatwaslucky) wrote2022-08-29 11:54 am
thatwaslucky) wrote2022-08-29 11:54 am
Entry tags:
Ahch-To- later Monday
On Rey's last night on Ahch-To, when she'd been walking the island after that party trick of Luke's and she'd decided that she was leaving, she'd looked at the island as a place that she would never see again.
Now it would be the place she spent the rest of her life.
She didn't want to. But she had to. The only way to ensure that she didn't become like her… like Palpatine was to take herself out of the equation for good. She'd left her friends behind on Kef Bir without a goodbye. She'd have to live with that. Her phone was still on the Falcon, so she couldn't call anyone. She wondered what they'd hear. What people would tell them. What they'd think of her now.
Not that it mattered. They would probably think this a selfish decision, but Rey was protecting them. All of them. If she went to Exegol, she'd only get worse and then…
She set the TIE on fire before she could change her mind. She watched it burn, chucking pieces of firewood at it. It did nothing, but it felt good to throw things. She wondered if this was how Luke had felt when he'd come here. She'd considered that a selfish decision. Maybe he'd thought he was protecting others, too.
When she ran out of wood, she pulled Luke's lightsaber from her belt and considered it. This was the weapon of a Jedi, and she'd never quite gotten there.
She threw it into the fire.
A hand reached out and caught it. A robed figure emerged from the flames, silhouetted in ghostly blue light, almost transparent. "A Jedi's weapon deserved more respect," he admonished.
Rey gaped at him. She'd been trying to get a hold of him for months. "Master Skywalker?"
"What are you doing?" he asked, in a tone that might as well have been what the hell.
So she told him, as they sat next to the fire, which slowly burned out as they talked, dampened by sea air. She had to sit. She needed rest, she knew it. She'd been flailing through all of this and making stupid choices and had to pay for all of them. They wouldn't have had to go to the Steadfast if she hadn't lost control trying to save Chewie. She wouldn't be so damn exhausted if she hadn't stabbed Kylo and needed to heal him. Sure, she was making up for the things she'd done, but she shouldn't make these mistakes to begin with, and now she was going into this much worse than when she'd started.
"I did everything I was trained not to," she continued. "I drew my saber first, attacked Ren, blind with anger."
"But then you healed him," Luke said.
"I gave him some of my life. In that moment I would have given all of it… died if I had to."
"Your compassion saved him."
She didn't feel like fielding anything that resembled a compliment. "I'm never leaving this place. I'm doing what you did."
Luke sighed, looking very weary for a ghost. "I was wrong," he said, and Rey hadn't realized just how long she'd wanted to hear that, actually. "It was fear that kept me here. What are you most afraid of?"
The answer was easy. Saying it was hard. "Myself."
"Because you're a Palpatine."
It wasn't the first time he'd told her that. She'd been pretty heavily in denial then; hell, she'd been denial about it ever since. Now it seemed like she kept reminding herself of exactly who she was.
"Leia knew it, too," he said.
It was startling to hear him say it. On the way here she'd thought about the dark Rey's words, echoing the last words Leia would ever speak to her, and she'd wondered. It still felt like a shock. All this time Rey had never told her what she knew because she'd been terrified of what Leia would think of her. "She still trained me," she murmured.
"Because she saw your spirit," Luke told her. "Your heart. Some things are stronger than blood."
What would have happened if Rey had told her? Would it have changed anything? Would she be better off now if she'd been able to talk to Vader's daughter about what it all meant? It felt like another way that she'd wasted time out of fear, now.
"I don't think I can do this," Rey admitted, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm afraid."
"Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi. Your destiny. If you don't face Palpatine, it will mean the end of the Jedi. And the war will be lost." He stood. "There's something my sister would want you to have."
She'd been in Luke's hut once, the very first day she set foot on Ahch-To. Chewie had ripped the door off to make him talk to them. The Lanai caretakers had kept it in good shape, even if when she caught one's eye on the way to the hut they immediately glared at her. Could it have been due to her setting a fire after being here five minutes? Likely.
There was part of her that wanted to find her hut and see if it still had a hole shot through it.
He directed her to a loose brick in the wall, and she knelt before it, pulling the brick out. There was something long, wrapped carefully in cloth, which she unwrapped. It was a lightsaber, and as soon as Rey held it, she could sense the owner.
"Leia's lightsaber," she said with a tiny smile, even as it stung.
"It was the last night of her training," Luke began. "Leia told me that she had sensed the death of her son at the end of her Jedi path. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again by someone who would finish her journey. A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight. You'll take both lightsabers to Exegol."
Rey's heart sunk. This would have been a better conversation before the arson. "I can't get there. I don't have the wayfinder. I destroyed Ren's ship."
Luke smiled. It was the first time she'd seen it when he wasn't trying to poke at her. "You have everything you need."
When they left the hut, with Rey clipping Leia's lightsaber to her belt and feeling like she really needed to be worthy enough to do that, the TIE was a smoldering wreck of blackened metal. However, it had burned away enough that when she walked around it she could see a triangular object in perfect condition connected to the nav computer.
"Two were made…" she murmured, carefully pulling it out. This had been Vader's. It kind of felt fitting, honestly. Anakin leading her to be able to face Palpatine.
The sea made a lot of noise, but what happened next sounded different. When she looked back, the X-wing that she'd seen below the water when she'd been here last was rising up into the air. There was definitely some damage, but maybe it was something she could fix. Luke was standing there, eyes closed, hand outstretched, and when he opened his eyes he smiled to see her watching.
For the first time in days, Rey felt like maybe, just maybe, she could pull this off.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay! Taken from The Rise of Skywalker novelization by Rae Carson.
Now it would be the place she spent the rest of her life.
She didn't want to. But she had to. The only way to ensure that she didn't become like her… like Palpatine was to take herself out of the equation for good. She'd left her friends behind on Kef Bir without a goodbye. She'd have to live with that. Her phone was still on the Falcon, so she couldn't call anyone. She wondered what they'd hear. What people would tell them. What they'd think of her now.
Not that it mattered. They would probably think this a selfish decision, but Rey was protecting them. All of them. If she went to Exegol, she'd only get worse and then…
She set the TIE on fire before she could change her mind. She watched it burn, chucking pieces of firewood at it. It did nothing, but it felt good to throw things. She wondered if this was how Luke had felt when he'd come here. She'd considered that a selfish decision. Maybe he'd thought he was protecting others, too.
When she ran out of wood, she pulled Luke's lightsaber from her belt and considered it. This was the weapon of a Jedi, and she'd never quite gotten there.
She threw it into the fire.
A hand reached out and caught it. A robed figure emerged from the flames, silhouetted in ghostly blue light, almost transparent. "A Jedi's weapon deserved more respect," he admonished.
Rey gaped at him. She'd been trying to get a hold of him for months. "Master Skywalker?"
"What are you doing?" he asked, in a tone that might as well have been what the hell.
So she told him, as they sat next to the fire, which slowly burned out as they talked, dampened by sea air. She had to sit. She needed rest, she knew it. She'd been flailing through all of this and making stupid choices and had to pay for all of them. They wouldn't have had to go to the Steadfast if she hadn't lost control trying to save Chewie. She wouldn't be so damn exhausted if she hadn't stabbed Kylo and needed to heal him. Sure, she was making up for the things she'd done, but she shouldn't make these mistakes to begin with, and now she was going into this much worse than when she'd started.
"I did everything I was trained not to," she continued. "I drew my saber first, attacked Ren, blind with anger."
"But then you healed him," Luke said.
"I gave him some of my life. In that moment I would have given all of it… died if I had to."
"Your compassion saved him."
She didn't feel like fielding anything that resembled a compliment. "I'm never leaving this place. I'm doing what you did."
Luke sighed, looking very weary for a ghost. "I was wrong," he said, and Rey hadn't realized just how long she'd wanted to hear that, actually. "It was fear that kept me here. What are you most afraid of?"
The answer was easy. Saying it was hard. "Myself."
"Because you're a Palpatine."
It wasn't the first time he'd told her that. She'd been pretty heavily in denial then; hell, she'd been denial about it ever since. Now it seemed like she kept reminding herself of exactly who she was.
"Leia knew it, too," he said.
It was startling to hear him say it. On the way here she'd thought about the dark Rey's words, echoing the last words Leia would ever speak to her, and she'd wondered. It still felt like a shock. All this time Rey had never told her what she knew because she'd been terrified of what Leia would think of her. "She still trained me," she murmured.
"Because she saw your spirit," Luke told her. "Your heart. Some things are stronger than blood."
What would have happened if Rey had told her? Would it have changed anything? Would she be better off now if she'd been able to talk to Vader's daughter about what it all meant? It felt like another way that she'd wasted time out of fear, now.
"I don't think I can do this," Rey admitted, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm afraid."
"Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi. Your destiny. If you don't face Palpatine, it will mean the end of the Jedi. And the war will be lost." He stood. "There's something my sister would want you to have."
She'd been in Luke's hut once, the very first day she set foot on Ahch-To. Chewie had ripped the door off to make him talk to them. The Lanai caretakers had kept it in good shape, even if when she caught one's eye on the way to the hut they immediately glared at her. Could it have been due to her setting a fire after being here five minutes? Likely.
There was part of her that wanted to find her hut and see if it still had a hole shot through it.
He directed her to a loose brick in the wall, and she knelt before it, pulling the brick out. There was something long, wrapped carefully in cloth, which she unwrapped. It was a lightsaber, and as soon as Rey held it, she could sense the owner.
"Leia's lightsaber," she said with a tiny smile, even as it stung.
"It was the last night of her training," Luke began. "Leia told me that she had sensed the death of her son at the end of her Jedi path. She surrendered her saber to me and said that one day, it would be picked up again by someone who would finish her journey. A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight. You'll take both lightsabers to Exegol."
Rey's heart sunk. This would have been a better conversation before the arson. "I can't get there. I don't have the wayfinder. I destroyed Ren's ship."
Luke smiled. It was the first time she'd seen it when he wasn't trying to poke at her. "You have everything you need."
When they left the hut, with Rey clipping Leia's lightsaber to her belt and feeling like she really needed to be worthy enough to do that, the TIE was a smoldering wreck of blackened metal. However, it had burned away enough that when she walked around it she could see a triangular object in perfect condition connected to the nav computer.
"Two were made…" she murmured, carefully pulling it out. This had been Vader's. It kind of felt fitting, honestly. Anakin leading her to be able to face Palpatine.
The sea made a lot of noise, but what happened next sounded different. When she looked back, the X-wing that she'd seen below the water when she'd been here last was rising up into the air. There was definitely some damage, but maybe it was something she could fix. Luke was standing there, eyes closed, hand outstretched, and when he opened his eyes he smiled to see her watching.
For the first time in days, Rey felt like maybe, just maybe, she could pull this off.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay! Taken from The Rise of Skywalker novelization by Rae Carson.