Ajan Kloss- Tuesday after all that

[thatwaslucky]

Rey didn't even know how long it had been since this all started now. Though she was filthy and bloody- where had that even come from?- Ben had healed her and nothing hurt physically. She wasn't tired from lack of sleep and constant stress anymore. There wasn't even adrenaline that had to wear off. Emotionally though, she felt exhausted.

She had asked for a few minutes to clean up, and after a shower and a change of clothes she had Anakin meet her in her quarters on the Falcon. They needed to have a very important talk, and this was the most private place she had.


[im done spamming you! For the Master.]

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[sith_happened]

Anakin pursed his lips. "Do you think they should've told you?" he asked softly.

[thatwaslucky]

"Luke did," she confessed. "When he was in Fandom last year." After he died. "I didn't handle it well, I think."

Unless determined repression was a recommended coping method now.

[sith_happened]

"Well, it's hardly news you'd wanted to hear," Anakin said.

[thatwaslucky]

"I really didn't. John told me I should tell you both, but I couldn't. The more I said it the more I couldn't pretend it wasn't real," she explained.

[sith_happened]

Anakin nodded. "I'm glad you told him," he said finally, "but I couldn't teach you as effectively because I didn't know."

[thatwaslucky]

"It would have changed something?" Which was kind of what she'd been worried about.

[sith_happened]

"A little," Anakin admitted, biting his lower lip.

[thatwaslucky]

"How?" she wondered.

[sith_happened]

"I would have spent more time talking about facing fears," Anakin said. "Been more open about that part of my life."

[thatwaslucky]

"You we're pretty own," Rey pointed out.

[sith_happened]

"Not enough, if you still did it," Anakin insisted.

[thatwaslucky]

"I knew I was making terrible choices as I made them, and I still did it," Rey said gently. "I don't know that you could have stopped that. I think I just had to right myself."

[sith_happened]

"I would have tried," Anakin said just as softly. "It's the duty of the Master."

[thatwaslucky]

"I'm sorry. I should have let you," she said.

Like how she was going to forever wonder how things would have been different if they'd been able to discuss this very big thing they had in common.

[sith_happened]

"Here's a lesson I can teach you now," Anakin said. "Regrets will only keep you stagnant. You cannot change what has already happened. Don't endlessly relive your bad choices. That's how I spent decades as Vader. Hate makes you strong in the Dark Side, and there was no one I hated more than I hated myself."

[thatwaslucky]

"Is there a grace period on that?" Rey asked. "It's just... everything feels like what ifs right now."

[sith_happened]

"There's definitely a grace period," Anakin said. "A few months at least."

[thatwaslucky]

"I keep thinking about it the other way, too," she said. "Ben turned back."

[sith_happened]

"Oh," Anakin said softly, a little like the breath had been punched from him. "Did Leia know?"

[thatwaslucky]

"No. Or, I don't think so." She took a breath. "He and I were fighting. I was losing. He paused and I stabbed him, and then I realized what he felt and why he paused."

She still felt terrible.

[sith_happened]

Anakin hissed in a pained gasp. "So what happened?" he asked. "To Leia. Do you know?"

[thatwaslucky]

"I'm not sure, exactly. I barely knew her before it, but she got spaced while I was looking for Luke and it sounds like she never fully recovered," Rey said, slowly, because she was trying to get through all this without crying. And mostly failing at it. "Maz said she 'did what needed to be done for her son,' but I don't know what what means."

[sith_happened]

Anakin wasn't exactly holding it together either. "She'd do anything," he murmured with absolute conviction.

[thatwaslucky]

"It seems to have worked," Rey nodded.

[sith_happened]

"Then I'm going to hope she knew that," Anakin said.